Pete: "I feel like my lips have been taped to the tailpipe of a bus..."

Pete: Mr. Cooper, how do you take it?                                                                                           Coop: Black as midnight on a moonless night...",                                                                            Pete. "Pret-ty black."

Coop: "Nothing beats the taste sension when maple syrup collides with ham!"

Albert: "Oh, and the world's most decrepit room service waiter remembers nothing out of the ordinary about the night in question. No surprise there.  Senor Droolcup has, shall we say, a mind that wanders."

Ben: "We've laid a gala reception for your fair-haired boys tonight.  All of Twin Peaks' best and brightest."                                                                                                                                        Jerry: "We're holding it in a phone booth?"

I love this one and how Lucy says it:

"I know you'll be strong and I know you'll be brave, but I want you to promise me that you'll be careful"

"Next time, rocket science." is my often quoted line of all time. And I was known to use the Briggs' wisdom of "Acheivement is it's on reward, pride obscures it."

some other gems.

Ben: "If they don't pin the mill fire on the late lamented Catherine and her co-conspirator Leo, I'll give up sex."

Jerry: "Now, that's confidence

Pete" Fellas, don't drink that coffee. You'd never guess, there was a fish IN the percolator."

Pete: "Let me get this straight, your entire country is ABOVE the timberline."

"Every day holds a new beginning and every hour holds the promise of an Invitation to Love." 

 Gordon: "Cooper, you remind me today, of a small, mexican, chi-wow-wow." 

Nadine: "WHERE ARE MY DRAPE RUNNERS?!?!??!"

Coop: "Do you know why I'm whittling?" 

Harry: "Okay, I'll bite again. Why are you whittling?"                                                                     

Coop: "Because that's what you do in a town where a yellow light means slow down, not speed up."

Sternwood: "This poor bastard...he seems to be a head of cabbage..."

Cooper:  Harry, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.  Every day, once a
day, give yourself a present.  Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just... let
it happen.  Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office
chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee.

my user name is spelled incorrectly.

tatemae 

Coop: Windom Earle's mind is like a diamond. It's cold...and hard...and brilliant.  You don't know what he's capable of Harry...you don't know..."

Pete: "The Log Lady...stole...my...TRUCK!"

"Harry, I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don't plan it, don't wait for it, just let it happen. Could be a new shirt at the men's store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot, black coffee. Like this."  -Dale Cooper

1. The Log Lady: (slapping Coop's Hand) What's the hurry, the fish aren't running.

2. Some day, My log will have something to say about this.

3. The Log Lady: Close your eye's and you'll burst into flames

    Harry: Thanks Margaret

4. The Log Lady: I'll have a bear claw 

my user name is spelled incorrectly.

tatemae 

Two great ones from episode 3 written by Harley Peyton (the best dialogue writer on the show?). 

Albert: I want no interference from this hulking boob, is that clear?
only to continue with...
Albert: Oh yeah, well I've had about enough of morons and half wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbbells ... and you chowder head yokel, you blithering hayseed. You-you-you've had enough of me?

There's something about the words "hulking boob" that makes me laugh out loud. 

Cooper: Albert, I hope you can hear me. I've only been in Twin Peaks a short time but in that time I have seen decency, honor and dignity. Murder is not a faceless event here. It is not a statistic to be tallied up at the end of the day. Laura Palmer's death has affected each and every man, woman and child because life has meaning here, every life. That a way of living I thought had vanished from the Earth but it hasn't Albert its right here in Twin Peaks. 

I love the wooden way MacLachlan intones these pretty clichéd lines. There's something that makes us believe him completely.

"What credit card do you want to put that on?"
"Caash, prease."

Sherriff Trueman: 'I've had just about enough of your insults...'

Albert Rosenfield: 'Oh yeah. Well I've had just about enough of morons, half-wits, dolts, dunces, dullards and dumbells. And you, you chowder-head local you blithering hayseed. You've had enough of me?' 

"What credit card do you want to put that on?"
"Caash, prease."

I think you're right. Not bad for off the top of my head though, right? 

I've been known to yell "I'm a whole damn town!" on occasion.

(Not that kind of occasion, pervs.)

Gordon: I'M OFF TO BEND, OREGON. OFFICIAL BUSINESS. REAL HUSH-HUSH.

Gordon: WHOLE LOT OF SHAKIN' GOING ON DOWN IN BEND.

Gordon: DON’T LET ‘EM RATTLE YA, COOP! THESE GUYS MAKE A LIVING LOOKING THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE’S DRAWERS. WE’VE ALL HAD OUR SOCKS TOSSED AROUND, FROM TIME TO TIME... LET A SMILE BE YOUR UMBRELLA!

Albert: You can have a funeral any old time. You dig a hole. You plant a coffin. I however cannot do this tests next week, next year, or tomorrow, I must perform them now. I've got a lot of cutting and pasting to do gentlemen, so, why don't you return to your porch rockers and resume whittiling (can't believe this one isn't on here yet!).

Jerry: It looks like were one hundred percent certain that we're not sure

also from the same scene.

Ben: Jer, obviously something requires burning and since wed on't want to set fire to your smoked cheese pig. Why don't we try these?

Jerry: Mashmallows! Ben, where are those hickory sticks?!?

Judge Sternwood: This weekend heavens includes arson, multiple homicides and an attempt on the life of a federal agent.

Cooper: Well, heaven is a large and interetsing place, sir

and I've always like this one for some reason.

Andrew Packard: Waste no time arguing what a good man should be, be one: Marcus Aeurelius

"Every day holds a new beginning and every hour holds the promise of an Invitation to Love." 

 Mine too!

'cept when I say it, I say "next step, rocket science"

Audrey - "I've been doing some research; in real life there is no algebra."

"You know there's a real bad accident outside, it sounded like a bus or somethin'."

The guy who is told that by Audrey acts like if she said something banale like "Brad, Mrs. Peterson wants to see you in her office"...
 

Harriet Hayward: "Dad, I'm gonna to tell it you and I'm gonna tell it to you straight. [...] See that window?"

Not a memorable quote on paper, but her way of saying it is hilarious. And strangely lovable. 

"What credit card do you want to put that on?"
"Caash, prease."

Gordon; "Bonzai! Remember those old World War II movies? BONZAIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"