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| 1. Sunday, September 9, 2007 8:38 AM |
| one suave folk |
The Family That Dies Together... |
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Still processing the sad suicide of my friend Luray Hodder-Kuca, who perished from carbon monoxide poisoning, in a family pact, along with her husband John & 5-year-old daughter Ruby. It happened late Thursday night in their home in Portland, Or. Being fairly prominent local artist/musicians, this sad event has caused a bit of a stir. Ray was in the stage 4 period of breast cancer & they decided they wanted to go out together. I hadn't seen her for 10 years & never met her family, or heard their music. Ray & I had a brief romantic entanglement & acted in 2 plays together. My friend George (who called with this news) had a rewritten version of the play Ray & I were first in read at our playwrights group Tuesday night. Ironically, it featured an elderly woman who takes a pill overdose. And before George's call yesterday, I drove past a group of women who were on a 3-day walk to raise funds for a breast cancer cure. I can't fathom the grief this family must have gone through & while I certainly don't condone their choice, it is somehow romantic & sweet. Has anyone on the board had to deal with a similar situation? Ray, Ruby & John, wherever you are, I hope you've found peace...
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| 2. Monday, September 10, 2007 4:40 AM |
| 12rainbow |
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What a tragic loss of life. On a Shakespearean scale.
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| 3. Monday, September 10, 2007 2:18 PM |
| Booth |
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QUOTE: I certainly don't condone their choice, it is somehow romantic & sweet.
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I wish I knew more about this, so that I knew how outraged I should be about them taking their five year old along with them.
Does the suicide fairy leave a nice crisp dollar bill under your headstone?
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| 4. Tuesday, September 11, 2007 8:58 AM |
| nuart |
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QUOTE:QUOTE: I certainly don't condone their choice, it is somehow romantic & sweet.
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I wish I knew more about this, so that I knew how outraged I should be about them taking their five year old along with them.
Does the suicide fairy leave a nice crisp dollar bill under your headstone?
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I'm with you, Booth. I think suicide is disgusting enough if only for the legacy it leaves with a family for generations to come. But if you murder your whole family along with you, I guess that's one less worry. Gross. Narcissitic. Nothing like suicide to stir up my antipathy. But no, I've never personally known anyone who opted to kill themselves and then murder their 5-year old daughter. Although I do recall reading an old Vanity Fair article with Courtney Love where she admitted that she and Kurt had considered a double suicide after the birth of their baby. Then they changed their minds. Well, at least she did. Susan
“Half a truth is often a great lie.” Ben Franklin
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| 5. Tuesday, September 11, 2007 9:49 AM |
| 12rainbow |
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Think it's better that the child, who could have in no way rationally agreed with the plan, died than be raised with parents who could make a decision like that? I'm reminded of the scene in The Rapture where religious zealot Mimi Rogers shoots her daughter in a misguided attempt to reunite her with the murdered dad.
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| 6. Tuesday, September 11, 2007 9:54 AM |
| nuart |
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QUOTE:Think it's better that the child, who could have in no way rationally agreed with the plan, died than be raised with parents who could make a decision like that? I'm reminded of the scene in The Rapture where religious zealot Mimi Rogers shoots her daughter in a misguided attempt to reunite her with the murdered dad.
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Well, obviously there were other choices than being raised by her murdering parents or being murdered by them. Yes, that scene in The Rapture was brutal. Then Mimi wimps out when it's her turn. "Tell God you love him, Mommy..." The Rapture is one of those films I watch and rewatch. it's not just for the nude scenes with a young David Duchovny either! Michael Tolkin is an intriquing character.
Susan
“Half a truth is often a great lie.” Ben Franklin
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| 7. Tuesday, September 11, 2007 2:17 PM |
| one suave folk |
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Ray was a beautiful, charming & talented woman. I loved her the first time we met. But she certainly had a selfish, manipulative side. I wish she could've caught this cancer early enough & had the financial resources to beat it . I think of my second wife, who used my insurance (though we were separated) to have an operation to cure her ovarian cancer. She went on to have 2 daughters with her third husband. Anyway, I wish Ray had had the strength to insist that John & Ruby continue living in her stead, as her legacy. I can't begin to imagine their despondency, but that seems a much better alternative. To make matters sadder still, John had 2 older children from a previous marriage. Now they have to grow up without their father. Sad, senseless, & so so stupid. Their suicide e-mail quoted a lame Billy Joel song ("...only the good die young."), but I think a Lemonheads song (It's a Shame About Ray) more appropriate.
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| 8. Tuesday, September 11, 2007 2:20 PM |
| one suave folk |
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Ray & John were both 39. So I guess they'll be "forever 39"...
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| 9. Tuesday, September 11, 2007 5:34 PM |
| Booth |
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QUOTE:Their suicide e-mail
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That sounds rather...bizarre.
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| 10. Monday, September 17, 2007 2:05 PM |
| one suave folk |
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After a bit of blogging, I was back in touch with Ray's old friend Meg (who was her housemate when we did my play Monkey Shadows). Turns out she lives about a mile from my workplace, so I went over yesterday & got a copy of 1932, by Vertigo Butterfly (Ray & John's last CD. Sample it on their Myspace page). The bodies have all been cremated & delivered to the parents, but the case is still open. Too many things didn't add up, & now it looks as if the whole thing was perpetrated by John (making it a double homicide/suicide on his dead head). The info he put in that final e-mail was twisted or just plain fabrication. Ray was doing all that she could to deal with the situation (just beginning chemo, dealing with wills & making sure Ruby was cared for, etc.), but John was the truly distraught one. Ray wasn't going down without a fight & certainly had no plans to take her husband & daughter down with her. Meg showed me a picture of John with a t-shirt on that said "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated". I forget who he was quoting, & I think it's pretty dang witty. But in his case, in retrospect, just creepy. I know that nothing will bring this family back, but I'm glad to learn that all Ray may have been guilty of was marrying the wrong man. But it's also even sadder, as she intended to live as long as possible & leave her only child in as vital a state as possible.
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| 11. Monday, September 17, 2007 3:14 PM |
| KahlanMnel |
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| QUOTE: "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated". I forget who he was quoting, & I think it's pretty dang witty. |
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, aka Mark Twain. That's absolutely twisted that he (the husband) would be the one distraught and going nutty over this when Ray was the one who was suffering. How f'ing sad that he had to take two perfectly good human beings down with him. I'm sure it doesn't really help you feel any better about her death, but at least you now know that she wasn't the one who made this bizarre decision to end it all.
~ Amanda "Just fear me, love me, do as I say and I will be your slave..." 
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| 12. Monday, September 17, 2007 8:52 PM |
| one suave folk |
RE: The Family That Dies Together... |
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QUOTE: | QUOTE: "Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated". I forget who he was quoting, & I think it's pretty dang witty. |
Samuel Langhorne Clemens, aka Mark Twain. That's absolutely twisted that he (the husband) would be the one distraught and going nutty over this when Ray was the one who was suffering. How f'ing sad that he had to take two perfectly good human beings down with him. I'm sure it doesn't really help you feel any better about her death, but at least you now know that she wasn't the one who made this bizarre decision to end it all. |
Thanks. I had the feeling it was a Twainism. I loved Ray oh so many years ago & got my heart bruised in the process. She reminded me of my daughter's mom Kim, who'd similarly abandoned me the year before. Okay, so Ray & I were not meant to be, I just find it very confusing that she ended up with a man this unstable, while I continue my life alone. Too much feeling here. Think maybe I need some TV. Maybe if I just immersed myself in the important issues of the day, like can Britney EVER truly make her comeback, which CD to buy on 9/11: Kanye or Fiddy, & why didn't The Sopranos win more Emmys?! I just can't seem to care...
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